i just had sex bonerless
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
