This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
