i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
