An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my shit smells like andre
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
