Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
