oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
