We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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