Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
