is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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