My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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