It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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