Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
