I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
