ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
