Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
