I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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