Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
