either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
