After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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