Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
