you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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