Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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