Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
