You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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