Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
