I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
