You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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