she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
