I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
