Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it hurts more in the daytime
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
