The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
