Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
