No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
