Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
