I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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