Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
