So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
