Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
