Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
