Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
