Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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