By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
