Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
