there's paper in my vomit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
