To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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