So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
