Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
