He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
