She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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