A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
