ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
