after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
