at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
