no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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