he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this will be a night to untag.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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