I'm so fucking centered right now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
